Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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