I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
