He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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