it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
