Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i wish my penis had a tongue
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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