Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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