So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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