Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
