"it" just moved
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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