ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize