I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Be still, my beating vagina.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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