I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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