my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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