Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
