Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize