I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
