You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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