So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
