Just fell off a train. Bad.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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