so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
