Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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