I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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