I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
