I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
