he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize