Need sex. Gaining weight.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
