TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
