god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
