I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
