first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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