I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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