Cold hands, warm shart.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
In America we eat man semen.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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