That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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