you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
