so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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