so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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