The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
