The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
