When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
