I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
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