Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think I sprained my soul last night
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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