Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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