Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
