drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
