i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize