O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
