Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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