So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
