I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize