Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
