He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
