sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize