He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
