U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
