How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Are we still banned from the library?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize