Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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