my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize