I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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