I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
