Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize