He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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