My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
