RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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