he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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