Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
