I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
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