I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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