was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
