i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
