It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
my shit smells like andre
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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