Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Randomize
