You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
