Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize