i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
