There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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