I want to stick my p in your. b.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
