I accidentally burped into my bong.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize