i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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