Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
