just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
