Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
