Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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