bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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