I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
operation harelip BJ is a go
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
